survey #2 & today's intake

I AM:
[ ] anorexic
[x] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[x] hungry
[x] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[x] starving yourself
[x] participating in a fast


PEOPLE...
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH...
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE...
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic
[x] green tea
[x] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE
[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[ ] I wear contacts.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[x] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I'm addicted/ have been addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying
[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I'm at my thinnest
[ ] I'm at my biggest
[x] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[ ] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[x] I've taken diet pills
[x] I've used laxatives
[x] I've purged
[x] Bulimia
[ ] Orthorexia
[x] Over-exercising
[x] Binge eating
[x] I exercise
[x] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[x] I've fainted from exhaustion

I'VE DONE:
[ ] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[x] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[x] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[ ] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine


OTHER QUESTIONS

[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have an ED blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites
[x] I count calories
[x] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[x] I love food, it's a love/hate relationship
[x] I want to be this way
[x] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[ ] Being thin is my top priority
[x] I don't want to get better
[ ] I am in treatment
[x] I'm doing this for me
[ ] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself


Alrightey.
Today, I had a sandwich.
Gross.
Allowed: Lettuce, tomatoes, Unaaceptable: cheddar cheese, bread, ranch.

I feel so dumb.

Basically, my parents wanted me to eat once during the day, and I didn't want to lie to them. Lying does not come easily to me. I suck at it, but it also feels so weird to do.

So, basically, I screwed up my fast.

Tomorrow's a new day, and I really think the exercise pretty much canceled out the sandwich.

<3